Monday, June 27, 2005

Rethinking Pensiveness

Why are the stars on the American flag white and not yellow or gold? Why is Mary the Mother of Jesus always seen wearing a blue dress? Why is it that Kleenex is a brand name but we shall always ask for one when we need to blow our nose, just like we assume all Zip Loc bags are Zip-lock bags? Who came up with the random idea to have red and green be the prominent Christmas colors? Why do all traffic lights sense when you're in a hurry and automatically turn red? And pets, why do they love on you all the more when they sense that you dislike them? How do babies learn to smile? Why drink a Dr. Pepper at 10, 2, and 4? How many times has Elizabeth Taylor really been married? Is airplane food really safe to eat? When you swallow watermelon seeds do they really sprout inside you? Does gum make your insides stick together? Do grandma's dentures wind up? Is "out back" like behind the shed at the slaughter stump where they got the name for the steak house? If you were an inch worm, how long would you be? Should the toilet paper come over or under? Is there a difference in dental care performance if the tube of toothpaste is squeezed from the end as opposed to the middle?

Questions: These are the ordinary profundities of life, are they not?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Miss Shore and Guy Noir, always searching for the answers to life's persistent questions. Allow me to assist, if I may.
The stars on our flag had to be white; yellow or gold might look brown from a distance. Mary had to wear blue because she wasn't in mourning, red would have been too flamboyant, and it was too early to wear white. Kleenex, Zip Loc, and don't forget Coke--two words: marketing power. Red and Green for Christmas-there has to be a Reformer or Saint responsible, the question is which one. Traffic lights--blame the Fates. Pets are a living rebuke to our consciences. I don't know a thing about babies, but they could teach some adults a thing or two. Dr. Pepper--only Tim Powers could explain. Elizabeth Taylor probably couldn't say either. Airplane food is a decoy-if you're complaining about it, you have to stop complaining about security checkpoints for a moment. Watermelon seeds, gum, and dentures tales are stork stories. I think you're right about Out Back. Inch Worm-I'd be 3&1/2 cm long. Toilet paper - always over, unless space precludes it. Dental care performance is either less prolonged or more expensive if the tube is always squeezed in the middle.
- Jered
If I don't have an answer, I'll make one up.