S4theD: Day 24

Most people know, I like odd things. My humor is odd, my tastes are odd, I'm odd. So humor me when I say that I like Julian Smith and appreciate his humor. As a former homeschooler and native Nashvillian I think he's pretty stinkin' clever and funny! For more clever lighthearted comedy visit Julian on YouTube. Even if you don't find him humorous you would at least appreciate his video Techno Jeep.

Red Eye Flashes Twice
by Julian Smith

This is a song for every person in the world...

Everybody's trying to get their picture looking nice,
But they act like a camera is some foreign device,
I've got somethin' to ask you and I'll keep it concise,
WHAT ARE YOU STUPID! Red eye flashes twice!

I was trying to snap a picture of my buddies, Bill and Bryce,
Bill takes lots of pictures, so he gave me some advice,
He moved before the second flash, "photographer" yeah right!
WHAT ARE YOU STUPID, BILL! Red eye flashes twice!

All your friends will hate your guts if you don't stand still,
Your family will disown your butt and probably have you killed,
If you have a girlfriend, which we all know you don't,
But if you do she'll leave you, and then you de-fin-ite-ly won't...
Have a girlfriend...

The famous person in this picture wasn't very nice,
I just wanted his picture, and his pizza slice,
With just one flash he walked away as if I had head lice,
WHAT ARE YOU STUPID! Heh... I've seen all your movies twice...

All your friends will hate your guts if you don't stand still,
Your family will disown your butt and probably have you killed,
If you have a girlfriend, which we all know you don't,
But if you do she'll leave you, and then you de-fin-ite-ly won't...

See it's much easier to just assume that the flash is gonna go two times and to just wait there for a second, rather than move and risk all these people in your life hating you forever and wanting you dead, because every time they look at their picture, they don't see the picture, they see, "Oh, there's 'So-and-So'. He ruined my picture IN FRONT OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT. I FREAKIN' HATE THAT GUY!"

All your friends will hate your guts if you don't stand still,
Your family will disown your butt and probably have you killed,
If you have a girlfriend, which we all know you don't,
But if you do she'll leave you, and then you de-fin-ite-ly won't...
You'll be single, for the rest of your life.
And you won't have any pictures of yourself either...

S4theD: Day 19

Best known as being the first Glenda in the Broadway musical Wicked, Kristin Chenoweth has ever since intrigued me with her varied musical and theatrical tastes and her just as varied musical and theatrical talent...not to mention her humor!

Taylor, the Latte Boy
by Kristin Chenoweth

There's a boy who works at Starbucks
Who is very inspirational.
He is very inspirational because of many things.

I come in at 8:11, and he smiles and says, "How are you?"
When he smiles and says, "How are you?"
I could swear my heart grows wings!

So today at 8:11
I decided I should meet him
I decided I should meet him
In a proper formal way.

So today at 8:11 when he smiled and said "How are you?"
I said "Fine, and my name's Kristin"
And he softly answered, "Hey."
And I said "My name is Kristen, and thank you for the extra foam…"

And he said his name was Taylor,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him…

So I'd like to get my nerve up
To recite my poem musical.
He would like the fact it's musical
Because he plays guitar.
So today at 8:11, Taylor told me he was playing
In a band down in the village in the basement of a bar.

And he smoothly flipped the lever to prepare my double latte,
But for me he made it triple! And he didn't think I knew
But I saw him flip the lever, and for me he made it triple,
And I knew that triple latte meant that Taylor loved me too!
I said, "What time are you playing? And thank you for the extra skim…"
He said, "Keep the $3.55," because this triple latte was on him.

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him…

I used to be the kind of girl who'd run when love rushed toward her.
But finally a voice whispered "Love can be yours, if you step up to the counter, and order."

Taylor, the latte boy
Bring me java, bring me joy
Oh Taylor the latte boy
I love him, I love him, I love him.

So many years my heart has waited,
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?
Taylor, the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him.
I love him, I love him, I love him.

A Winner

In All Fundamental Fairness

I have to admit, the best line ended up coming from Joe Biden in the Vice-Presidential debate this evening:

"Quote, I'm paraphrasing."

On Not Taking Ourselves Too Seriously

My dear friend Jayme has been so kind to post the Saturday Night Live skit featuring Tina Fey as Sarah Palin and Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton which gave SNL it's best ratings since 2002. This evening I stumbled across remarks from the McCain camp on the SNL portrayal of Palin which sounds at once both reactionary and protective. But then I read this tidbit--found on MSNBC of all places--about Sarah Palin's own response. After having read it, I really don't think I could like her any more than I do now. I've decided that tomorrow is the day to put on my newly purchased "Barracuda" bumper sticker! So while spokesmen for McCain were being protective...

"Palin, on the other hand, found the sketch amusing, according to her spokesperson. The governor and the press corps watched the sketch in the back of her plane, laughing at Tina and Amy’s satirical take on the two politicians.

“She thought it was quite funny, particularly because she once dressed up as Tina Fey for Halloween,” Palin spokesperson Tracey Schmitt told CBS."

Sarah Palin

I've Googled it. No one's created a Sarah Palin pit bull yet. So instead of washing my clothes, cleaning my house, or otherwise being responsible I decided to create one of my own. I've titled it "Portrait of a Hockey Mom in Politics".

Portrait of a Hockey Mom in Politics

Palin Heard Peggy

In an editorial in today's Wall Street Journal, Peggy Noonan gave some helpful tips to John McCain and Sarah Palin on how to make strides and even win against Barak Obama's suasive rhetoric. Judging by the speech she gave at tonight's Republican National Convention, it seems that Palin took heed, and boy how she did it with style, pith, and wit! The gist of Noonan's article is this:

"America is a huge and lonely country. We are vast, stretch coast to coast, live in self-sufficient pods; modern culture tends us toward the atomic, the fractured and broken up. When two people meet, as they come to know each other as neighbors or colleagues, one of the great easers, one of the great ways of making a simple small human connection is: shared laughter. We are a political nation. We talk politics. So fill that area with humor: sly humor, teasing humor, humor that speaks a great truth or makes a sharp point."

The question has been raised, can Palin take the heat? And if she can, then will she simply make it through the onslaught of political backbiting or will she come out on the other side all the stronger in light of it, making her a candidate that people can envision as vice president? Well, this strait-talking, field-dressing Alaska woman sure did hand the opposition her reply to those questions this evening and did so with humor to boot! Here are a few of my favorite Palin lines and phrases from tonight's speech:

"I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a "community organizer," except that you have actual responsibilities."

"That luxury jet [used for the Alaskan governor] was over the top. I put it on eBay."

"...there is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform--not even in the state senate."

"But when the cloud of rhetoric has passed, when the roar of the crowd fades away, when the stadium lights go out, and those Styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot--what exactly is our opponent's plan?"

"Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America, he's worried that someone won't read them their rights."

"In politics, there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers. And then there are those, like John McCain, who use their careers to promote change. They're the ones whose names appear on laws and landmark reforms, not just on buttons and banners, or on self-designed presidential seals."

"My fellow citizens, the American presidency is not supposed to be a journey of 'personal discovery.' This world of threats and dangers is not just a community, and it doesn't just need an organizer."

“You know what the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lip stick.”

Palin and TR

In a speech given tonight at the Republican National Convention, former Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson presented the following thought provoking and relatively indisputable point of support for Republican Party vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin:

"I can say without fear of contradiction that she is the only nominee in the history of either party who knows how to properly field dress a moose ... with the possible exception of Teddy Roosevelt."

I couldn't find a picture of Palin with a field-dressed moose, but I did find one of her with gutted, but stylish, grizzly!

Lil Markie

None of my office friends have posted this yet so I feel that it is my calling to share this wonderful tid-bit of 80's-Baptist-mullet-loving evangelism. Keep watching. I got bored at first too but then the jaw dropped.

McCan Can

A New Interpretation of Genesis 1

I've never been big into forwarded e-mails but recently I recieved one that I just feel needs to be shared. It goes along with the humor theme I love so much! Enjoy!


In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figurethat Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."Satan then created a chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food Cake."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good"

And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.

Dry Wit

This is my kind of humor. The subtlety. The profundity. The stupidity. Oh, the irony! It's the kind of humor that people roll their eyes at when they hear it come from me. THIS did not come from me, but oh how I wish I could take the credit!

Get it? "Doctor" and "pepper"!